i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
