I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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