Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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