I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize