alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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