it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
