is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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