So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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