Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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