I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
