You smell like a Billy Joel song
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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