i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize