It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
