I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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