Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
