Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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