Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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