What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
