Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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