you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yo dont text me then not text me
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize