she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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