got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
