its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
