she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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