Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize