I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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