I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
