I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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