He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Drunk is not a location!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
