i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i wish my penis had a tongue
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
