She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
