yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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