38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This is the high leading the old right now
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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