Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
