the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
