i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
