just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
