Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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