Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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