the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
