I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
