I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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