is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
