I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
