I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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