Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
