so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
