I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
