never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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