note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just want nice things and good sex
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
