But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize
