Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Randomize