A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
