this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm passing your future prison.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
