Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
