the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
