we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize