my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
