Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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