I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
