Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
