she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
