Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize