Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
please come you make the beer taste better
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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