Swine flu is the new snow day.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
