she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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