Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
