i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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