Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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