Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
