I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
