He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
