the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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