using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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