sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
