Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
