how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I am naked and annoyed.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
