dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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