she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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