So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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