Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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