dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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