i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
