FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
