It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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