She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
