YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
