Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You don't make any sense
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